Complications

I have so many thoughts and ideas, beautiful poems and prose that bounce in my head, and yet, sadly, they rarely make it into something tangible, either because of my time schedule or my own crippling fear of being vulnerable. I wrote a poem just the other night about what the night does while we sleep. Is it jealous of the day because we pay much more attention there or is it content to watch us while we dream? I'm weird, I know this. 

Some things going on:
Aria and her dad are moving to Kansas City in the next few weeks. I have known that they were going to move there eventually, but I did not know it would be this soon. He really wants us to move there too, so I am torn over moving to be closer to my daughter or staying here and being close to the rest of my family. If I move there I will be separated by everyone and everything I know, but I will be able to see my daughter. Life's choices are NEVER easy. It builds character right? Remember the poster with the kitten barely gripping the tree branch with the words "Hang In There" at the top? Yep. I need some of those cheesy motivational posters around me. 

I have not posted on social media about the move because I wanted to tell my family about it in person, I don't think Facebook is where someone should read about that. And, because it involves my daughter, and because I don't want to risk someone in his circle taking what ever I say and twisting my words. 




Of course I am not happy about it. I'm devastated. But, I am keeping in mind the positives. The schools there are great. They are not moving directly into the city, they are going to be in a suburb. She'll be able to experience more culture and diversity and opportunity than I could ever give here in Poke-A-Tall-Ho Idaho. I want her to have those things. And she wants to go. She's excited about it. And she knows that if she does not like it she can come home. I just hope the other party involved feels the same way. If she did not want to go or if she was younger this would be different. 

I found out today that I have to have surgery. I'll spare you all the gory and scientific details. You'd thank me, really. I went in for what I thought was going to be a short in and out appointment and ended up being up at the hospital for three hours. Nothing too serious, I don't mean to scare anybody, it's a same day surgery. My close friends and family will be updated with what is going on. 

I'm really scared though, the thought of someone cutting into my body while I am in la la land in some ultra shiny room with a bunch of strangers sort of sounds like the start to a horror movie — or an alien abduction. If I walk in and there is a cow in the room I am just gonna lose it. 

Everything will be OK. Somehow it always is. 

Some positives:
Our trip to Redfish Lake and the Sawtooth Mountain area was wonderful. That is some of the most beautiful country in the world. I promised myself I'd get in the water, no matter how frigid— I am really working on living every day to the fullest. And I did! But I can honestly say that is the coldest water I have ever touched. Instant numb and then burning pins and needles when you step out. But so worth it. We saw tons of wildlife, including deer that came right up to our cabin and a bald eagle. I wish I could bottle that pine smell, that wild, lake water smell. It smells like peace and relaxation. I could live up there if I had the $. That reminds me, what is the Mega Millions up to? Just kidding, I never play the lottery. 

The ghost town was cool too. There is not much left of Bonanza, most of the buildings have fallen down. I was amazed at how far up into the mountains it was. And to think that all of the lumber, etc. used to build the town had to be hauled by horse through the mountains. It took us what seemed like forever to drive up there, I can't imagine how long it took by horse. And to have a baby up there in the rugged wilderness? Wow. The women of that day were some tough cookies. 

And I loved the old cemetery there. I have a thing for cemeteries. You know why? That's where the history is. (Say that in an Irish accent, it sounds pretty cool). There is so much we can learn from those who came before us. And, I feel that a cemetery is one of the most peaceful places to be. There is a sense of quite and peace in a cemetery that I feel no where else. It was such a beautiful place. A fitting resting place for those who had struggled to survive in that time and place. 

My family is going camping this weekend. I am so jealous.

Our garden is sprouting. Peas, beans, carrots, onions, tomatoes and peppers. Our watermelon and cantaloupe are not doing so hot but 6 out of 8 is not bad. 

We have to fix our toilet tonight.  We came home the other day to a garage floor full of water and wet insulation in the ceiling. The hallway bathroom toilet decided that the water would never shut off again. We feel otherwise, and the repair kit I bought today agrees. 

Our dog still has no brains. It's a good thing he's cute. 

I stood out in the front yard and talked to one of the neighbors for about two hours the other night. Turns out we aren't the only ones who think the people who live across the street from us are complete assholes and they should move away immediately. They have a gigantic Trump sticker on the back of their vehicle and once told us to keep our kid quiet when Devin was playing in the front yard. Therefore they are spawns of Satan. 

Devin has opened up so much! He's not afraid to run across the street and ask friends to play. He's so  much more independent. He still has his Blankie Brown though. He never goes anywhere without it, but for now that's OK. We are going to try to get him in the school down the hill from us this fall so he can go with all his neighborhood friends. We could not send him there last year because it was full, so he had to go to an overflow school. 

I've been practicing zen doodling and hand lettering a lot lately. For the first time in a long time I am not currently in the middle of a book. I used to draw a lot but that kind of stopped when I was in college. You know, studying and working did not leave much time for that. I've been picking it up again and it feels great. Not that I am any good at it, but the stress relief and feeling of being creative is priceless.