Friday, March 25, 2016

The passion of fear

Franklin D. Roosevelt once said "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself -- nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance."

Fear is a natural part of life. It keeps us alive. Without fear we wouldn't wear seat belts or life jackets and a lot of knife-throwing circus sideshow acts would have to find new professions.

But fear is too often paralyzing, debilitating. It takes more than it gives. Fear convinces you you're not good enough, that you shouldn't even try. People who achieve their goals have somehow learned to silence this fear, or at least calm it enough to be manageable.

Fear has taken too much from me. 

I need to take it back. 

I want to learn Spanish and I want to learn how to play guitar (I'm working on both, by the way). I want to write a book (I've been doing research and writing a rough draft). I want to know who I am (I've traced my family history all the way back to the Mayflower). 

As challenging as those things are, the things I struggle with the most are not seen and are rarely spoken of. We shouldn't fear fear, but what if you fear yourself? There's a movie plot for ya. 

It's 10:51 on a Friday night. I'm pleasantly sober and clear. I enjoy these fleeting moments of clarity. Having open eyes does not necessarily mean that you truly, really see.

I'm more than what I allow myself to be. It's there. It's what's kept me going. Passion is more powerful than fear.

Thursday, March 3, 2016

The Art of Childhood

Back at the beginning of the school year, a flyer came home with parents asking for anybody and everybody to volunteer to teach an art lesson to the class once a month. 

As I was dropping Devin off at school the next day I stopped and chatted with his teacher about the art lessons — what a great idea it is to have art offered to the kids, especially at such a young age, how important it is for their developing minds to be creative, etcetera and so forth. 

His teacher approached me a few weeks later and told me, in a  bit of a panic, that no one had volunteered. She went on to say that if there are no volunteers there would be no art lessons for the kids. And, since I was the only parent who had expressed any interest in it, would I please, please volunteer to teach art. 

Well, yes, of course! Children going without art in their lives breaks my heart. 

I am not one for getting up and speaking in public, even in front of kids, but I remember my mom coming to volunteer in my classes while I was in elementary school. I remember that it meant a lot to me. And, I had volunteered in Aria's kindergarten class too, helping kids learn how to read and count. I certainly want to carry on that tradition with Devin.