So skip ahead a few years . . . I have gotten divorced and met a knew "love of my life" whom I have moved in with. The house we are living in is the same one that his grandparents lived in when his mom was little. In fact, his grandpa died in the house.
Nothing happened for a long time, then I started seeing things... there was a hallway next to the living room that connected the two bedrooms and the bathroom. I would be sitting in the living room and I would see an elderly male figure walk back and forth between the two bedrooms. It was quick, like he was curious or trying to not be seen. It happened more at night . . .
After awhile, the stereo in our room would turn on by itself at night, and the CD player tray would open and close by itself, then it would shut off by itself again. That freaked me out.
We bought a house in Chubbuck. It was a pretty new house, not much of a chance for spooky things to happen there. Except . . .
This sounds weird, I am sure, but there is a person whom I never met, who actually passed before I was even born, whom I felt I have a lot in common with and that we could have been friends . . . no one famous or anything ... but someone I knew of.
On days when I did not have to work, when I would get our daugheter down for a nap, I would too sometimes lay down for a little bit. After all, I was working, going to school and working full time. For about a month straight, every time I would get to the point where I was almost asleep I would feel a presence in the room. Ya know how you can just feel someone watching you even if you can't see them? It bothers you until you look up and then they hurry and turn away? It's so strong . . . you can feel their eyes drilling into you. It was like that. I felt someone watching me. And it was cold, the room literally got chilled.
I have never felt anything like that before. It was so strong, like nothing else. Eventually I would feel it lessen and I would fall asleep. . . or I would just kinda lay there, too afraid to get up.
Several weeks into this, I had enough. One day, without opening my eyes, I said aloud, "you're freaking me out, please go away." It never happened again. Maybe it was just my mind messing with me... I don't know . . . but I have never felt that before or since.
The final weird thing that happened at that house . . . Aria was in bed and Jayson was at work and it was late. I was sitting on the couch watching TV. The TV was turned down low so as not to wake up the toddler. As I am sitting there, a male voice came up behind me on the left side, right by my ear and whispered, plain as day, "Are you tired?"
I literally jumped off the couch and spun around so fast I think I was dizzy to see who had snuck into my house. Of course, no one was there. The crazy thing is, I know who it was. I want to know what he wanted. I would love to talk to him, but how?
Maybe I am crazy, you can call me that. I am not the kind of person who believes in bigfoot and aliens and all that stuff. I never even thought about ghosts or the supernatural until any of that happened. Maybe there is some sort of logical explanation for it, but if there is, I have not found it.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Life is a highway
I hate insomnia for everything except one . . .. when I can't sleep I usually get incredibly inspired. But it is dark and I can't see my keyboard, so forgive any typos.
Lately I have been thinking about how we are all connected somehow. Like the 6 degrees of separation but much bigger than that. It is like the U.S. road and highway system. I could get to anywhere in the country I wanted to. There are few places I could not get to because every road, street, lane, whatever connects somehow. Such it is with people. I may not know you, but I bet if I asked around long enough I would find someone who does.
We all affect each other, whether we know it or not. Call it the Butterfly Effect or whatever, but we all influence people we don't know. We all have twtwists and turns, and we all need repaired once in awhile.
The difference is that roads have maps so you can't get lost. (well, Ok, so most of us can't get lost). With people you just have to take your chances. Some lead you to a beautiful place, others lead you to a dead end. Some you wish you would have never traveled. But you learn from all your wrong turns and build your own map... full of wisdom.
In my road map of life I could map out many things . . . major highways where I did not want to stop where I was going . . . rest areas when I needed some space, and toll booths where I have had to pay a price. Places unmarked and unseen by anyone else . . . stop signs, detours . . .
Too much of a coincidence. We really are simple creatures, aren't we?
Lately I have been thinking about how we are all connected somehow. Like the 6 degrees of separation but much bigger than that. It is like the U.S. road and highway system. I could get to anywhere in the country I wanted to. There are few places I could not get to because every road, street, lane, whatever connects somehow. Such it is with people. I may not know you, but I bet if I asked around long enough I would find someone who does.
We all affect each other, whether we know it or not. Call it the Butterfly Effect or whatever, but we all influence people we don't know. We all have twtwists and turns, and we all need repaired once in awhile.
The difference is that roads have maps so you can't get lost. (well, Ok, so most of us can't get lost). With people you just have to take your chances. Some lead you to a beautiful place, others lead you to a dead end. Some you wish you would have never traveled. But you learn from all your wrong turns and build your own map... full of wisdom.
In my road map of life I could map out many things . . . major highways where I did not want to stop where I was going . . . rest areas when I needed some space, and toll booths where I have had to pay a price. Places unmarked and unseen by anyone else . . . stop signs, detours . . .
Too much of a coincidence. We really are simple creatures, aren't we?
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
The power of forgiveness
A weird thing happened today . . . not that anyone cares but I feel the need to get it out because I have been thinking about it all afternoon.
It requires a back story....
A few years ago, not long after my daughter's father and I split up, I went out to have a few drinks with some friends. That night I ran into a girl who had been a good friend of mine in high school. I had not seen her in years and was so excited to see her! I started talking to her, and instead of being happy to see me as well, she was very cold and irritated. She informed me that back in the day I had broken a huge promise that I had made her and basically ruined her life.
I don't think I have ever been so shocked in my life. I had no idea what she was talking about. I tried to talk to her, but she and a friend sitting next to her got more and more agitated until I thought they were gonna try to fight me or something.
I hate hate hate confrontation, and this is not high school... so I gave it up and walked away.
I am sure I worry way too much, and that night was no exception. I sat on the side walk and just cried and racked my brain trying to figure out what I had done wrong (next to me was a friend who has since said something to me that I have not been able to forgive, ironically). I could not imagine myself doing something so hurtful to a good friend. And she was a good friend, I drove her home from school everyday, we had known each other since we were little kids. I would never, ever hurt her like that. That is not me. There just had to be some misunderstanding. If I did do the terrible thing she had said I did, I do not remember it, and if I did, I would certainly offer her a thousand apologies and wonder what the hell was wrong with me.
High school kids do stupid things. Apologies to any high school family and friends reading this. Maybe I should re-phrase. I did stupid things when I was in high school. We all say things we don't mean and do things with out thinking of the consequences. I am not one of those people who will claim to have never done anything wrong or said something that has hurt someone's feelings. The point is, if I did do something like that I would admit to it now because I know better.
I have thought about that night off and on over the years, wondering if she would ever forgive me for something I don't remember doing, wondering if there was a misunderstanding, etc.
I found her profile on myspace once and decided to write her a very heart felt letter. I explained everything I just did above, and told her that if she did not respond I would take that as a "F-U" and would not bother her again. She did not respond.
I have not thought it a lot lately. I havew made a point to put all things negative aside and focus on how great my life is now. I feel healthier.
I ran into her today. She was picking her kid up from day care while I was there trying to figure out where to take Devin after my grandpa has surgery on Friday.
I froze. What the hell would she say, we were like two of only three of four people in the building. I thought she would stare me down, call me a nasty name, something, anything. She made it clear a few years ago that her hate for me was boundless.
But she didn't. She talked to me. I was telling the day care provider about my baby boy, and this person who had wanted to kill me a few years earlier asked me how old he is and introduced me to her son. We chatted for a minute about how great the place was and how much her son loved it there. I told her that our kids were about the same age, etc. We just chatted for a minute, then we each left, going about the rest of the day as if nothing had happened.
My heart was pounding when I got into the car. I don't know what to make of it. I want to believe that she has either forgiven me for the awful thing she says I did to her, or if she realized that I did not do it after all.
I over analyze things and I care too much. But if she had not been a good friend back in the day I would not care so much. I think life is like a great novel you are reading for the first time, there are twists and turns and surprise characters in every chapter. But in the end it all makes sense and you don't want it to be over. This will make sense.
It requires a back story....
A few years ago, not long after my daughter's father and I split up, I went out to have a few drinks with some friends. That night I ran into a girl who had been a good friend of mine in high school. I had not seen her in years and was so excited to see her! I started talking to her, and instead of being happy to see me as well, she was very cold and irritated. She informed me that back in the day I had broken a huge promise that I had made her and basically ruined her life.
I don't think I have ever been so shocked in my life. I had no idea what she was talking about. I tried to talk to her, but she and a friend sitting next to her got more and more agitated until I thought they were gonna try to fight me or something.
I hate hate hate confrontation, and this is not high school... so I gave it up and walked away.
I am sure I worry way too much, and that night was no exception. I sat on the side walk and just cried and racked my brain trying to figure out what I had done wrong (next to me was a friend who has since said something to me that I have not been able to forgive, ironically). I could not imagine myself doing something so hurtful to a good friend. And she was a good friend, I drove her home from school everyday, we had known each other since we were little kids. I would never, ever hurt her like that. That is not me. There just had to be some misunderstanding. If I did do the terrible thing she had said I did, I do not remember it, and if I did, I would certainly offer her a thousand apologies and wonder what the hell was wrong with me.
High school kids do stupid things. Apologies to any high school family and friends reading this. Maybe I should re-phrase. I did stupid things when I was in high school. We all say things we don't mean and do things with out thinking of the consequences. I am not one of those people who will claim to have never done anything wrong or said something that has hurt someone's feelings. The point is, if I did do something like that I would admit to it now because I know better.
I have thought about that night off and on over the years, wondering if she would ever forgive me for something I don't remember doing, wondering if there was a misunderstanding, etc.
I found her profile on myspace once and decided to write her a very heart felt letter. I explained everything I just did above, and told her that if she did not respond I would take that as a "F-U" and would not bother her again. She did not respond.
I have not thought it a lot lately. I havew made a point to put all things negative aside and focus on how great my life is now. I feel healthier.
I ran into her today. She was picking her kid up from day care while I was there trying to figure out where to take Devin after my grandpa has surgery on Friday.
I froze. What the hell would she say, we were like two of only three of four people in the building. I thought she would stare me down, call me a nasty name, something, anything. She made it clear a few years ago that her hate for me was boundless.
But she didn't. She talked to me. I was telling the day care provider about my baby boy, and this person who had wanted to kill me a few years earlier asked me how old he is and introduced me to her son. We chatted for a minute about how great the place was and how much her son loved it there. I told her that our kids were about the same age, etc. We just chatted for a minute, then we each left, going about the rest of the day as if nothing had happened.
My heart was pounding when I got into the car. I don't know what to make of it. I want to believe that she has either forgiven me for the awful thing she says I did to her, or if she realized that I did not do it after all.
I over analyze things and I care too much. But if she had not been a good friend back in the day I would not care so much. I think life is like a great novel you are reading for the first time, there are twists and turns and surprise characters in every chapter. But in the end it all makes sense and you don't want it to be over. This will make sense.
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