Who I am

I have been asking myself the same question that I think a lot of people ask themselves -- who am I? You think you know until you have to think about it, or until you confront something that makes you do some self research, that makes you wonder what's going on inside you mentally.

So I decided to sort of document my thoughts, both good and bad, about myself. Not really for anyone in particular, but for myself, to figure it out, to  be able to actually look at it, if that makes sense.

I'm a bit of a tom boy, I grew up fishing, camping, hiking, hunting, riding motorcycles, snowmobiling, building forts, playing in the mud. I remember catching frogs in the river bottoms behind my parents' house in Blackfoot. We went to Island Park once with some family friends, and myself and another kid caught a frog and put it in a box and then put it in my dad's truck. . . it got out, so we tried to find it to no avail . . . I honestly don't know what happened to that frog.

My dad gave me a pellet gun when I was a kid, and I used to set up soda cans on a table in the backyard and target practice. I never shot at any animals, I'd like to note.

Also when I was a kid my dad taught me how to bait a fishing hook and cast, and I always baited my own hook, fish guts and all, and I always caught the first fish.  . . it was an ongoing joke with my family for awhile . . . "Jenny will catch the first fish!" And I did, every time.




I have always been comfortable outdoors, I'd play in the river bottoms by myself for hours, sometimes I would just sit and listen to the water, some times I would imagine that I was wild, that I lived there. There were many times I saw deer, beaver, eagles, fish, pelicans, etc. Once I spotted a young coyote on a gravel bar across the river. It looked at me and I looked at him for awhile; there was a mutual sense of curiosity. When I stood up to start walking home, he followed me across the gravel bar until he couldn't go any further, but as I continued to walk I kept looking back, and he just stood there, at the end of the gravel bar, watching me. He never growled or showed his teeth, it was a really private moment between myself and this creature, and it was amazing. I can still remember it just as if it were yesterday, honestly, but I really have not told very many people, maybe because I feared people would think I was weird and maybe because I wanted to keep it just for me. . .

I swam in the river a lot too, with the neighbor kids. We had a rope swing and we'd launch in, then float down and grab onto a branch that was at water level and pull ourselves out. Now that I'm older and realize the power of the Snake River I realize that it probably was not the smartest thing to do . ..

I've been in two snowmobile accidents, one that very well could have killed me (that's another blog, but here's a teaser, I believe in guardian angels). When I was nine my dad and I hiked up a mountain to explore a cave, and when we got up there the terrain became too steep to walk back down, so we had to climb up a solid rock cliff to the top so that we could walk to a less steep part of the mountain and back to camp. I remember pulling myself up with nothing more than a clump of grass. But I survived.

I've always loved rock and roll, I grew up listening to The Beatles, Journey, Boston, Foghat, Three Dog Night, Black Sabbath, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Blu Oyester Cult, Alice in Chains, Metallica, etc. Then when grunge came out my parents bought Nirvana's Nevermind and Pearl Jam's 10, which I quickly confiscated. :)

My love for rock used to make me feel like quite the outcast though, it just was not normal for an 11-year-old girl to listen to Metallica. So I told everyone I listened to country music. It wasn't until high school that I "came out."

I had my first kiss when I was 14 in the  Blackfoot Swimming Pool. His name was Travis.

Every time I eat carrots I get hiccups. If I get really hungry I sneeze. Really.

Things I fear: Parking garages. It's only a matter of time before there is a huge earthquake here, and the last place I want to be is in a parking garage.

Intersections where a fatal accident has occurred: Perhaps I am superstitious, but driving over a place where I know someone has died in a horrific way gives me the hibbie jeebies. But black cats, broken mirrors, walking under ladders, etc. does not bother me at all,

Not being good enough. I think everyone deals with this, but I take it to a whole new level, to the point that it affects my daily life.

Spiders. Enough said.

I love books, There is something about the smell and feel of the pages, touching them gives me a sort of  high. When I see a large book shelf that is full, I get a unique joy in my heart, I imagine all the knowledge, all the adventure, the mystery, the escape. Book stores and libraries are some of my favorite places.

Music has been a huge part of my life since before I was born. My first concert was when my mom was pregnant with me . . . she took me to a Kansas concert. Styx's "Lady" was played as my mom walked down the aisle for her wedding. I was there too. ;) I've been told that when I was a toddler KISS would come on the radio and I would dance. Not to any other band, just KISS. And when my mom would play her Pat Benatar records I would ask her to play them again. It sounds cliche, but music is in my soul. I could not live without it. It's listened to me when no one else did, it understood me when no one else did, and it still does. It's therapeutic, it's soothing, it's a life line. I truly believe that music has saved my life. That's not an exaggeration.